


Lets killy willy

by directionone



Category: SKAM (TV)
Genre: Communism, Crack, Daddy Kink, Daddy Marx kink, Marx kink, Multi, Murder, Sapiosexuality, avenging the girl you have a crush on girlfriends ex who hurt her alot, there is no straight character in this that doesn't either die or get framed for said death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-25
Updated: 2017-05-25
Packaged: 2018-11-04 21:25:01
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,125
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10999290
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/directionone/pseuds/directionone
Summary: Chris and Jonas have made up their minds: it's time for William to die





	Lets killy willy

**Author's Note:**

> Uh so this is pure crack and im really sorry but like also, I wish this could have been canon and I also wish that noorhell never happend and that lesbian noora was canon.

It’s been a year since Chris and Eva stopped being friends with benefits and started being just friends for real. Six months since Chris managed to convince drunk Eva to stop just gushing about how she didn’t know what to do about being in love with both Vilde and Noora and get her to ask them both to dance which turned into a date, and then many more. 

When they party together and he sees Eva throw herself into Nooras arms when Nooras arms are already filled with a drunk Vilde trying to kiss her like Noora is the sun and the rest of the world is just background noise his heart aches. His heart aches and he feels his vision get blurry, but he knows Eva is happy and no matter he feels like he’s falling when he looks at Eva looking at Noora and Vilde with that smile on her face he wishes he would get just once he could never be mad at her for just not liking him back, he’s not that kind of guy. 

Sometimes Chris helps Eva study, it’s something else to watch Eva get distracted by the selfie Noora sent of her and Vilde that’s set as her background, or how her entire face lights up when she hears the special ding she set as the notification for the group chat she has with her girlfriends. When they’re at a party he can just down another shot of vodka but when Eva is once again distracted from writing her history essay on Norway’s politics under the 19th century by the year by the love for her very real, very amazing girlfriends Chris's heart falls even further down in his stomach. He can’t ignore it like he does at parties because the way he wishes Eva would love him back fills up his entire body and his throat closes up and he can’t even respond to Eva’s light hearted banter.

There’s something about his feelings for Eva that reminds him of the things he felt for Willhell during their first year, the way he’d follow Willhell honka anywhere he asked but not get anything in return, the way Willy billy was his sun and he was something to be forgotten when he wasn’t useful anymore. Chris would rather forget Dickhelm ever existed, he never realized there was something wrong with how Williy Honka made him feel until he and Eva actually became true friends. Even if Eva will never love him back she doesn’t hold it over his head like Willy Nilly did and for that he’s forever grateful. 

At one party he decides he’s had enough, drinking feels good for a moment, until it’s not enough anymore. He doesn’t wanna end up drunk out of his mind at some party just to forget Eva when he knows it’s not helping in the long run, instead he sits down next to Noora. “So, Noora, why do you not drink?” for a moment Noora just looks at her like she knows, like he can see through his skin and flesh and see right into the love he holds for Eva in his heart. She looks at him with eyes full of pity that almost make him shy away again. “I’ve just never really liked losing the control of my own impulses i guess, and after what went down with Nico and Willy Honka I would honestly rather just avoid alcohol altogether” she sighs like she just got something of her chest and Chris wants to ask but he doesn’t dare. “Chris, you and Willhelm were like, really good friends right?” and he says yes, because they were, but he also tells her about how Willy was really bad for him, and how he only clinged to the little attention he got from him because he thought that one day it would make all his romantic feelings be returned. Noora puts her head on his shoulder and suddenly he feels less alone. When he’s done talking she tells him about how she never really wanted to date Willhell, but he was the cool guy, and the attention was intoxicating. She tells him about how he left her right when she was in her lowest low after Nico used her and how in London he just never paid any attention to her, how she tried to form herself after his needs but it never worked, she was never enough. 

Chris wakes up the morning after in the couch in Eva’s livingroom with both a stone off his chest and a new one put down, he wasn’t the only one Willy donca fucked over, but also his relief should not come at the expense of Nooras trauma and he feels bad for thinking about it like that. He hears Eva and Noora talking with hushed voices from inside her room and they’re talking about Willhell. Eva is really really mad about something, he knows because Eva isn’t mad that often. For her to use that voice filled of venom they must be talking about something awful. When he listens in he can catch Willhellhole’s name thrown around like it’s a slur, he understands Eva really hates Willy Honka, and for the first time he isn’t filled with sadness, he’s filled with hatred and anger. He gets sad thinking about how Willy hurt him, but Willy Billy hurt Noora, and Eva loves Noora like she is the sun. So really Willhell also hurt Eva, that’s one thing Chris can never forgive him for. After a while Noora opens the door to Eva’s room and comes out with a bed ruffled Vilde around her waist, Eva follows not long after still pulling a shirt down her stomach. They all stop when they realize Chris is sitting on the sofa, after a stunned moment Noora invites him to have breakfast with them and tells him that Jonas is also joining in twenty minutes.

The breakfast goes by pretty smoothly and Jonas is a lot more interesting than Chris ever realized before. They have a dinner date booked in for the next night and when they meet up Jonas starts talking about capitalism and how fascism is all Willhellhole’s fault and that they should chop chop him Chris says "wow , You’re a bit brainy, i like that" and Jonas says "call me brainy one more time and I’ll end you instead of Dickhelm , but yes , i AM brainy " and Chris feels the sapiosexual in him get a boner. After he has made his sapio-boner wilt with pure brainpower he says “Okay, I’m in for chop choping Willhelm, but how do we avoid getting caught?” Jonas looks at him for a second before he says, “well, we could either make it look like a suicide or, we could frame Nico” and Chris sapio-boner rises again. Jonas is just so smart he can’t stop himself.

After weeks of planning and fake dating so that Willy Honka thinks they’re right in the honeymoon phase and just coming for a visit the only thing they have left to decide on is chop chop method. “ Okay Chris, I feel you, maybe a gun would make the most sense but hear me out, what if we chop chop him with a machete that makes swoshy swoshy noises when we chop chop at his stupid fucking body. After awhiles further discussion they agree that Chris is goning to buy a katana and Jonas is going to buy a machete and they will meet up saturday to take the plane. When he says goodbye to Jonas the last time they’ll see each other before the plane he feels a little twinge in his heart, like he’s gonna miss Jonas even if it’s only a week left til they’re gonna chop chop Willy Honka. He realizes he hasn’t really thought about Eva in the same way he would before now that he’s met Jonas and it’s the best thing that has ever happened to him.

Jonas holds his hand in the airport, their weapons well hidden in their bags. Chris just texted Willy Nilly a selfie of them at the airport talking about how excited he is to finally get to see him again. He threw up a little in his mouth thinking about how Willy Honka hurts pretty much everyone he touches and he realizes he can’t wait to chop chop at him. Operation lets killy willy is started.

They hold hands all the time on the plane even if it probably isn’t needed to convince their fellow travelers that they’re actually dating and Chris feels really good about holding it. After about half their flight Jonas leans over the armrest and says “I’m so excited to kill the Magnusson family heir and frame his own asshole brother for it, after he’s dead we can redistribute his wealth.” and Chris’s sapio-hardon grows strong again. He leans over and whispers please do it with me daddy marx. 

 

When they arrive in London Willyhoedownthrowdown is waiting for them by the gate and all Chris can think about is how fucking ugly Willhellhoe is with his oppressive capitalist aura. He does his special handshake with Willydick even though he wants to die the entire time, he makes a look at Jonas that says “I’m sorry daddy Marx i had to do it” and Jonas look says he’s forgiven and all is right in the world again, because they’re chop choping Willydoncc tonight.

Jonas sits in the back and he sits in the front next to Willdick and they have to pretend to want to answer all his questions about when they got together and Chris feels the sapiosexual in him die everytime dickhell comes up with another stupid fucking answer to a returned question. When Willyhonka starts talking about Noora leaving, feeling sorry for himself, Chris almost sees red, he could fucking choke willyhell right there. Instead they arrive at the appartment, it’s a nice apartment and he thinks about all the workers willyhellhole oppressed to get it. They have a pretty quiet night, Willyhonkytonky buys take out and Chris has to tell the story about how he and Jonas started dating several times because apparently Willhillbilly is a really fucking stupid man. When they all decide to call it a night Chris’s heart beats so hard at the thought of getting to chop chop Willheir with his daddy Marx that he thinks it’s almost going to plop out of his chest.

 

When Chris wakes up again he looks for daddy Marx’s reassurance that it is all going to be all right. He grabs his katana in one hand and daddy Marx’s hand in the other one. Daddy Marx is his safe haven on earth and seeing him with a machete makes his heart fill with joy. After sneaking into Willithrowups room his hands itch to stab stab stab and then chop chop him, after all the hurt he has caused. 

It doesn’t take long for William’s blood to soak into his sheets and Chris smiles, so does daddy Marx. Chris grabs some paper from his suitcase and a pen with his left hand. He’s really right handed but Nico is probably really ugly on the inside too so his writing most be just as bad anyways. Then he writes “It was me, i did it - from Nico Magnusson” he pins it to the fridge just before Daddy marx yells at him to come out. He’s holding his machete stabbing it right through Williams porsche after writing “redistribute the Magnusson family money” on the house with his red graffiti can. Chris grabs Daddy Marx hands and they embrace eachother, he sapiosexually smiles down into his neck and they quickly back up all evidence that they were ever there. They have a flight to catch back to Oslo.

When they get back to Oslo Daddy Marx sneaks into Nicos appartment when hes at work, Chris is gaurding the door and he can hear Daddy Marx hiding the weapons in a place where hes sure the police will find them. After they lock the door behind them they go for kebab and they meet Noora, Eva and Vilde also on an apparent kebab date, he looks at Noora and he knows she doesn’t know but she’s glowing. Its like she can see right through him but she’s not mad, she’s saying thank you Chrisnas. 

A week later he’s cuddling with daddy Marx in their bed, when he sees the headline “Communist murdered brother in cold blood” he smiles and nestles into daddy Marx left(ist) side and he smiles even harder when daddy Marx turns over and the communist hardon his communist boyfriends donc is supporting digs into his hip.


End file.
